Thursday, February 3, 2011

To Say Your Name

She realised that this may well be the last time she would be able to say his name out loud. Maybe hidden in inane conversations. Perhaps, some rare solitary moment. But not as and when she wanted to. Not the way only a lover can say a lover's name. Like a sweet caress... No, she thought. It won't be possible anymore. It hurt her a bit. Which surprised her. She thought she was beyond all pain now. But then again, there is no such thing as comfortably numb, no?

Funny, if you think about it. For she normally didn't feel the need to say his name. But now that that right was to be denied to her, it suddenly seemed as important as breathing. She wanted to fight the world for this. For it seemed cruel that she couldn't even not say his name. He was not in her life anymore. But now, to pretend that he didn't even exist...

And so her soft voice carried out his name. Hesitant at first. Embarrassed at how childish it seemed. But she continued chanting it, and gradually it became a little melody. It made up its own tune. The hesitancy disappeared and an almost melancholic note seeped into her voice. Every letter of the word that was his name rang out clearly, and echoed back to her, filling her soul and heart with something she needed, something which she couldn't name. Her voice moved from nervous to giggly to thoughtful to husky to lugubrious... and then faded away softly.. sinking low till she wasn't sure anymore if she was speaking or simply thinking his name.

Speaking his name was like a soft, gentle touch, a balm to the unhealing wounds, a prayer - but to whom and for what - she had no idea ... but more than anything, it made her cry. After eons of barrenness, it felt strangely uplifting to let tears fall. And in that moment of sorrow - the only emotion which she considered real, after love - she felt at peace. As if he was with her. Finally.

17 comments:

Beauty and the BEast said...

Shhhit! (I actually wanted to get more profanely emphatic there)

that hurt! the words flowed over buried wounds, unsheathing them, making them come alive with a raw ache...

haunting. Yet peaceful.

Vinda Sonata said...

you possess a certain power in your writing. i love the melancholic atmosphere, and i really like the way you get into emotions, transforming them into words.
"The hesitancy disappeared and an almost melancholic note seeped into her voice. " this one's my favorite line. it reminds me of those greaaat descriptions in murakami novels.

anyway, who's your favorite writer? which one inspires you most?
i've been a follower for a long time now, and i always love the way you write.
keep up the good work !

blunt edges said...

"Haunting" is the first word that came to my mind when I finished the piece. And then I read the comments and saw Beauty has already used the word!!

So off I went to google to find synonyms for "haunting" and this is what I got: unforgettable, eerie, memorable, nagging, nostalgic, obsessive, ongoing, persistent, recurrent, repeated, spooky.

Well atleast you know I meant to say haunting!

Rain Girl said...

@B&B: that was a great comment .... thanks! and glad you found it peaceful... :)

Rain Girl said...

@Vinda: Thanks a lot. That is very very sweet of you and am blushing :P

my fav writer? honestly, not just one. But I do get inspired by Ruskin Bond, Amrita Pritam & Gulzar.. all Indian authors.

and thanks, again. You made my day. :)

Rain Girl said...

@Blunt Edges: you always have me grinning with your comments. always :D

and erm, nagging? really? :P google said my post is nagging? ;)

what a haunted comment :P

Amrita said...

i likee

Jazzy E (hivennn) said...

beautiful.

Rain Girl said...

@Amrita: so glad :) thanks!

Rain Girl said...

@Jazzy E: Thank you so much! and welcome here :)

AmitL said...

You do have a way with words...nice n touching.

Rain Girl said...

@AmitL: thank you so much!

Nomora said...

Splendid piece :)

Rain Girl said...

@Nomora: Thank you so much :)

Nomora said...

Check out my blog, it's http://tangledmoods.blogspot.com/
It isn't much but I think you might like it :)

bertha said...

that was beautiful!i almost cried when it happened it was cuming to an end! why couldnt it become a story i could go on and on reading! you realy are good!

Rain Girl said...

@Bertha: Your comment was beautiful! Thank you so much for that. It inspired me to write more. :)