Tuesday, August 17, 2010


All I want is to sit with you and have tea or coffee. Whatever is your cup of tea. To talk, really, really talk with you. Tell you my dreams and fears..but more importantly listen to yours. And I want to be able to hug you and hold your hand at all the right moments. Or just nod. and I want to see love in your eyes, curiosty even. But not boredom. And no, I don't want to see a wait in your eyes -a wait for me to finish talking so you can make appropriate noises and move on. I want to see pride in your eyes when I tell you what did with my day - what I painted, what I thought of... I want an awww and a kiss if I am not feeling well, even if its 10 days in a row. 

All I really want is to feel that there is no need to be insecure.

Friday, August 13, 2010


Bad. Me. Evil. Me.

I wish I could undo time, undo all the relations I ever had and set everyone free from the mess called me. It would be such a relief. And really, I would rather be alone for this self-loathing.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Title? Who cares!

never I asked of you
and never I gave
but you gave me your emptiness
that I'll take to my grave...

so let this heart be still... 

Sometimes I wish that I had a battery within me. Or an on/off button. Something like coma, like almost-death, like hibernation. It would have helped pass those days when my emptiness becomes too much for me to handle and overflows. Overflows and drowns everyone around. It gives me enough guilt to last 9 lifetimes. 

If you're leaving close the door,
I'm not expecting people anymore...

I am craving for solitude. Not complete solitude though. And that's the catch. The attachment is too much. And so I am craving for something I don't really want. For even when I am alone, you will rule my mind. You will invade my soul and perfume my breathe and dance to my heartbeat, and make me dance to yours. Solitude? Me? Ha!  

Sunday, August 1, 2010

A Loser of a Poem

chaotic thoughts
bitter bitter
oh, so bitter

no matter what you say
and you...
no matter what you do
I always fail
Like I always do

am no field of flowers
after a spring rain
try hailstorm on a rainbow
and a failure's bitter pain

assumptions, and then rejections
useless, hopeless, heartless?
and my guts are gone for a long walk
"Its raining.." they said.