Monday, December 29, 2008

these days

sharp tongue. damp pillows. hazy vision. surreal life. clouds in my room. a place to hide. a place to run away to. bleeding feet. unspoken words. torturous silence. beautiful dreams. morbid nightmares. scratches on heart. salty cheeks. cold comfort. a distant death. a faraway life. chaos of thoughts...

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


कुछ पलों के बाद, उस बरसों की खामोशी को उसी ने तोड़ा पता नही क्या बोला उसने , लेकिन वो बोली थी, ताकि वो खामोशी खत्म हो जाए, जो उसको जाने क्यूँ इतना डरा रही था वो ऐसे चुपचाप था, जैसे कभी बोलेगा ही नही की जैसे कुछ सोच कर चुप रहना ही बेहतर समझा उसने

अपने हाथों में उसका हाथ लेकर, उसकी आंखों में देखा उसनेपर आज नज़रें तक खामोश थी। "नाराज़ हो?" उसने डरते हुए पूछा, मानो जवाब से घबरा रही हो। वो हलके से मुस्कुराया, उसके हाथों से अपना हाथ छुड़ाकर उसके चेहरे को बहुत ही प्यार से थपथपाया।

"ऐसा क्यूँ लगा तुम्हे?"
"तुम कुछ बोलते ही नही."
"ज़रूरी है, की कुछ बोलूं" कहकर उसकी आंखों में एक शरारत सी चमक उठी, जिसकी रोशनी में एकाएक सब अच्छा सा लगने लगा, हर डर मानो कहीं खो गया।

Dear diary,

I'm left wondering again, what makes me happy. Yesterday, I was gazing longingly at a bright yellow coat and wondering if I could stretch my budget and buy it? But of course I could not. It was from a very expensive brand, and hence unaffordable. But if I could afford, will buying it have made a difference? I really don't know. Maybe, maybe not. Being able to buy it, to wear it, and stay cozy in its warmth would have meant a final goodbye to those days of the past when I was just surviving, hardly able to eat out of my meager salary. Let alone buy some woolens. Of course I have a lot of clothes of the knitted variety. But not the smart ones. Not the kind which make heads turn. Am I too kiddish to yearn for such clothes, even when I know that their charm wont last for long?

Haunting images of my childhood - of those days when my NRI cousins would drop-in, dressed in GAP and Reebok, scented by Marks and Spencer creams and lotions, and be the apple of everyone's eyes - continue to play somewhere in the back of my mind. My own pretty pink frocks faded into oblivion among the crowds of silks and chiffons and herringbones. Cotton, humble enough, melted into the background. The till then dear blue socks felt like an old mumbling bumbling country cousin; lil white mary-janes paled infront of shiny patent ballerinas. My comic books felt dusty and ragged and their Peter Pan with its lovely colors and imported paper glittered with its own magic. They were patted and pecked, their witty lines laughed at, their beauty charming, their manners perfect. Whatever little I had till then, was lost forever.

The yearning of the past was the reason why my heart is still hungry. But can a yellow coat soothe the ache?

p.s.: it's fiction, guys. but whether its based on facts...

Thursday, December 11, 2008

your feet...

But I love your feet
only because they walked
upon the earth and upon
the wind and upon the waters,
until they found me.

-Your feet by Pablo Neruda

Image Credit: Accretion

Friday, December 5, 2008

will you come with me...

I am feeling a bit whimsical today. Like I'm walking in a dream. So will you come with me?

To the land of fall leaves and golden sunshine, the cold wind and crunchy footsteps... we will sit on a fallen log and talk about cupcakes and pearls, about dreams and red coats, about feathers and tiaras, about snow and fall, about beauty and inspiration, about sunshine and smiles, about life and mundane, about words and silence...

or we could sit quietly, hearing the wind play with the leaves.


Images: The Cherry Blossom Girl. She's awesome.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

thoughts on war and soldiers...

"On Thursday evening there were lots of soldiers on my train home from London.
When there are soldiers riding with you on your train, you feel extremely small.
It made me wish I were brave.
Bravery isn't something I can hold inside myself very well.
Sometimes I want to be a Lyra and I want it and want it, incredibly badly.
But you can't be brave just from wanting.
It's an impossibility. Like snow in July."

-J.M. Barrie

Monday, December 1, 2008

An email...

..written by a person don't know, but have started to respect immensely. It's long, but do read on:

My two cents..

Imagine one of your near and dear ones rapped in the Taj Mumbai hotelon the fateful
day and you getting frantic SMS's updating you on the situation.. One says 'I am hiding under the bed'.. 'I could hear the explosion',another 'I am scared'.. and another 'They are in the bathroom!!'. and
then no contact whatsoever.. Will sure send shivers down your spine..this is what happened and continues to happen in Mumbai..

The city will never be the same again..
Never before has anyone, anytime, anywhere experienced a catastrophe and mayhem this
terrible in proportions.. For sure the terrorists are rejoicing in their moment of glory.. for 3 daring, top-notch officials fell who where the pride of our nation - ATS Chief Karkare, Mumbai ACP Ashok Kampte and encounter specialist Vijay salaskar... They are the heroes of our nation and my head bows both in pride and sadness at their transient lives which would have taken care
of many more terrorists, gangsters and corrupt politicians had they lived to see another day..

The city will never be the same again. Not the first time this has happened.. Mumbai
is famous for getting back on tracks quickly in the event of any crisis.. BSE is open
today.. Bollywood as well getting on with their work.. I came to know through one of my colleagues whos friend is in Mumbai that even as the shooting was going on, a little further away, the hustle and bustle was on as usual...people getting on with their work.. as if it were just another day..

What is the Mumbaikar trying to prove????? That no matter what happens they are not
bothered?? That they will carry on with their work even if the world gets upside down
???? THIS HAS TO STOP !!! It just shows the attitude of people towards others lives.. To take an example, when the Kingfisher glides through and picks up a fish from the
pond, the rest of them disperse for a moment and then come together at the same spot
in a few minutes giving the bird the chance to attack just as he did earlier.. I can
see Mumbai in that pond.. For gods sake, we are better than fish-in-a-pond.. People
have to STOP.. may be for a day, 2 days, even a week to THINK over what happened, how to prevent it and stand united in this moment of adversity.. but hell no, the Mumbaikar is busy with his own work.. what are they trying to prove ?

The media on the other hand is busy covering the event to the best extent they can.They are all for the TRP's of course, trying to get the best spot in front of the Taj to cover the events.. Gawd... Shouldn't the area be cordoned off completely and media not allowed anywhere near(some of them received gun shots as well, having gone so
close near the assailants !!).. The masterminds are having a field day.. their men are inside the hotel and all the news that they would like to know of is at their fingertips which they can easily pass off to their men inside the buidlings over a cellphone...

It is high time we shake ourselves out of this lethargy...this state of complacency
has to end.. Mumbai (and the rest of us)... we have to react, be alert all the time.
Showing indifference to the events isn't exactly making a statement..
The solution(s) for this cannot be chalked out by a single person in a single day over
a message like this.. Collective initiative is what we need to grab the nations and
global attention otherwise it would just be a message written, read and forgotten on the spur of the moment !!

As and ending note, I would say hats off to the Taj hotel General Manager who's wife
and 2 kids died in the suite even as he was helping the guests evacuate the place. A
lesson or two we can sure learn from him..

MUMBAI.. WE ARE WITH YOU !! Hope this ends soon.. Have held my breath for long now... Waiting to exhale !!